Winter…an invitation to make friends with fear
21/6/2023
Natasha Nicholas | Lead Therapist and Practitioner
4 min read
I am writing this on the 21st of June, Winter Solstice in Australia. It was barely a few degrees above zero this morning, windows were covered with thin veils of icy condensation. Winter is here.
In the traditions of Yoga, Ayurveda, and Five elements theory Winter is a time to go within. A season dominated by the darker yin qualities. In five element theory, the organs of winter are the kidneys and bladder. Organs which are associated with holding on and the emotion of fear.
Fear is a funny companion. It is always with us, from the moment we enter the world and maybe until we leave it. Fear means well, it protects us. Very likely it has saved our asses more times than we realise. It was fear that stopped you from walking down that dark alley, or not getting in the car with that stranger who offered you a lift to save you the taxi fare, it was fear that made you insist that your friend slow the car down instead of showboating like an idiot. Fear is our friend.
Sometimes fear becomes an overbearing and dysfunctional parent. Over functioning, correcting, and protecting more than just our physical safety. Fear protects our egos and our hearts. So much so it can build walls around us. So much so - it can even weaponise us, we become harmful and hurtful to avoid being hurt ourselves. Fear cultivates patterns of thoughts and behaviours - behaviours that become habitual ways of seeing the world and relationships, habits that become etched in our neural wiring, in our nervous systems, and even in our tissues. In Yoga, we call these ‘habits” Samskaras. Winter is a time that we can go within, withdraw our senses (Pratyahara), and explore fear at that more visceral level.
We can use our mindful yoga practice to meet and break these samskaras. To break the pattern of protection and invite the opportunity for connection. Winter is a time we can explore poses that support and rejuvenate the kidney and bladder meridians, to support our bodies at the somatic and nervous system level break those samskaras ( habits) and let go. To explore our fears that limit our beliefs, and our ability to connect with others, and start to navigate breaking them down and rebuilding something new -that will serve us better.
Accept Impermanence
When I contemplate fear, I also contemplate the idea of impermanence. Something that wisdom traditions makes a focal point. The radical acceptance that everything is impermanent brings a profound sense of peace. When approached from a moderated and balanced disposition it is not only freeing but amplifies gratitude, grounds you in the now, and invites deeper connection. When we unpack fears of the ego, heart, and mind we find the fear of letting go. Letting go of people we love, losing our money, our youth, our sexual vitality and appeal, and of our course our mortality. This fear underbellies many of our dysfunctional behaviours when we run on autopilot. However, when we radically accept that all is transient, we can grow into gratitude and comfort. Putting energy into nurturing the now instead of strangling it with a white-knuckle grip. How many of us have wasted years and energy white-knuckling it?
The acceptance of impermanence also soothes another aspect of fear - the fear of pain and suffering. No circumstance, no pain, and no suffering is permanent and everpresent. It too will pass. Even in the case of chronic pain conditions, you can train your mind to notice the moments when pain is not present, notice the titration of pain, and learn to use this to manage.
Winter is a time we can press pause, go a little slower, go inward, and meet ourselves. It is a time we might be willing to adopt new self-care practices, to nourish our bodies with warm seasonal foods, make space for more authentic connections with people we love, and perhaps go within and befriend fear - negotiate new terms.
At the end of the day, we love fear - it keeps us safe. Without it - we would be reckless and harmful to all. I wouldn't want to have a fearless person in my life or be one. However, we can invite fear along for the ride - but in the back seat. If you have ever read Big Magic by Liz Gilbert or listened to the Audible version, she describes this beautifully in her letter to fear
" ...there is plenty of room in this vehicle for all of us... You are allowed to have a seat, and you're allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote. You're not allowed to touch the road maps; you're not allowed to suggest detours; you're not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you're not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else, my dear old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive"
So stop letting fear drive your relationships, your connections to yourself and this world, and colour your experience.
Yoga can be a great vehicle to unpack fear, renegotiate your terms, break samskaras and create new connections - starting with yourself.
If you would like to start to meet yourself, join me on the mat. Head to @threepointsclinic to find out more.
Namasate and stay toasty this winter.
Tash xo